Driving home from town, fleeting thought, "Could go for a riding lesson this afternoon!"
Instantly correct, " Don't have money for that. Don't even think about it. Life right now doesn't include horses."
Later at home, cleaning the house with a will, taking mind off of horses and wanting own home.
Get done cleaning, sit down and finish book had started month ago. Oops, it was about horses and show jumping. Top on the list of dreams.
BLAST IT!
Sister and friend (who is staying the night) get home, they start making pies, get tired/grumpy.
Go for walk, crisp fall feels good! Memories of riding...
Get home pull out guitar, play a bit, just about crying as realize that almost convinced that am too busy for horses, and not seeing them in the near future.
Go upstairs, thankful that sister, brother-in-law, and friend are not paying attention, cry for a while. Heart won't be convinced that horses are frivolous, and not an option right now.
They think it was just hunger and tiredness. Now that there is food everything is better.
The truth is, crying has stopped for a bit. It gets hidden inside, life is a show. Be happy, nobody will know there is something missing.
The love for living life....
It is hard to go through different phases in life . . . I cried a lot when I first got married and went from farm/cow/horses to trailer park in college town. I lived without them for 2 years. Now with children I have not ridden in several years. Some day when other priorities are not so high on the list (because them sweet girlies and husband are higher!), I will ride again and it will be sweet!
ReplyDeleteI understand exactly!
Heather
:hugs: :)
ReplyDelete