Sunday, December 8, 2013

Cold Snap

It's amazing how nice it can look and still be frickin cold! 
That is the case today. Though it's warmer than yesterday, that's for sure! 
We've been having a cold snap. Well, cold snap for BC. It's been down to -20*C or a little worse. When the average temp for winters here is -10*C or a little warmer, that's cold. 
When I want to complain about it, I just look at the temps in Saskatchewan. Swift Current was at -50*C, plus wind chill a couple days ago! 
The rest of SK has been around -45*C including wind chill. Seems crazy that people would actually want to live there. But I understand it. I love SK and it is my home in my heart! There is something about it that draws you, cold weather, mosquitoes, and all!
Sometimes I miss being able to see forever. But then again I am loving the mountains and the change in riding terrain! Growing up (till I was 10 anyways) in the Montana Rockies, I have a big soft spot in my heart for mountains. I love how it seems that we are secluded here, but really the nearest neighbors just across the road. The best part is being able to go to the top of Coopers road and then having endless trails and logging roads to ride on. As far as riding goes this place is heaven! 
I love riding in SK, but after a while the roads get a little boring. Here it's always up or down, and lots of twists and turns! Always interesting, but I'd hate to have a horse run away on me. That's one good thing about the prairies, you run out of horse before you ever run out of road. 

On other thoughts, I recently got a part time job at Whitevalley Community Resource Centre in Lumby. I am a Community Access Program Youth Intern (CAPYI). I will be doing some desk work at WCRC and helping seniors and the general public with any technical problems they might have with computers, cell phones, cameras, etc. 
I started Monday of last week and it lasts till March. 
I am still looking for full time or another part time job. Hopefully I'll be able to find something in Lumby. But I have also applied to a bunch of places in Vernon. 
My bosses have offered me one of their trucks to lease, instead of having to go and buy a car and dealing with loans, insurance, etc. That will work out much better. 

Ellie and Caleb are getting married in 7 days! I am so sad that I can't go to their wedding. By the time I get out to SK next August (my current plans), it will have been a year since I've seen any of my family. That's the longest I have ever gone with out seeing them. 
It's been a huge growing time for me! I have matured (at least that's what people say) a lot and I feel I am in a much better state, mentally, psychically, emotionally, and just as a person in general. A big part of that has been getting clinically diagnosed with the depression that I have dealt with for the past four years. Figuring out solutions to my physical problems, getting treatment for my depression (medical and therapy), and starting to branch out and make new friends. 
I love school! I love the fact that I understand what I am doing! I love the fact that my teachers are super impressed with me. After being told for 20 years that I was less than and sub par, to find out that I am smart, I can do pre-calc, people do actually like me for who I am, people do trust me, I can be exceptional. This has made a huge difference in my view on life. 

I am important. I do matter. 

But at the same time I do my best to maintain my approachable, helpful, personality. I don't want to be arrogant or make people think that they are less than me. 

I didn't use the word proud for a reason there.
 I do want to be proud. I want to carry my self with pride, I want to take pride in my work, I want to take pride in my relationships, I want to look on my siblings with pride. 
Pride is a good thing. 

My Mum wrote me a long letter the other day, she told me that there are rumors that I have rejected my family and God. 
I have not and hopefully never will, reject my family! 
They are my family! You can't break that! 
I love all my siblings so much it hurts! I cry because I miss them! 
I love my Mum! I miss being able to curl up with a cup of her hand picked/dried tea and chat with her. 
Yes I have problems with the way I was raised, yes I am trying to change that for my siblings, but I have never rejected my family. 
I have issues with my dad, this is probably pretty clear to anyone who knows me or my family. I am sad that he can't see how much he hurts other people, I am sad that he doesn't know the joy of doing something for someone just for the sake of doing it, not just to get something in return. 
It is a sad and miserable state to be in. And yes I wish that he could get help for himself and be able to sort out his mind. It takes a lot to be able to say, 'I need help' 'I don't know what to do' and mean it, and go and find that help. 
That is the state for my family. 
As far as rejecting God, no I haven't done that either. 
I have left it alone for now, so that I can eventually find out what I truly believe, instead of what someone else has told me. That is all. 

On a brighter note, included with that letter from Mum were two paintings from Sara! 
 She made my day, my week, my entire month! 
I know that she is going to be so grown up when I see her next! She'll be 5 1/2 years old. 
Ruth will be almost 9, Uriah will be 11, Priscilla will be 13, Ezekiel will be 15, Martha will be 17, Jesse will be 20, Ellie will be married and moved to Manitoba. Hannah and Daniel will have two kids. Naomi and Jesse probably won't have changed too much (thankfully, I wouldn't be able to do every one changing). My parents will be older. It all seems disconnected and odd that I'm not there. 

I look forward to August 2014! 

Sara and I


  1. *hugs* I know how hard it is to not see your family, I've gone almost two years now without that and I miss them so bad sometimes! But I've definitely not rejected them either (and for sure not God-instead I've been drawn closer to Him).

  2. :hugs: to both of you, girls. I am so terribly proud of how much you've grown and changed and thrived and embraced who you were meant to be. <3